September 30, 2010

I haven't even finished packing yet and I'm already feeling too many emotions to even explain. I'm so excited for this great experience and opportunity that God has given me and I can't wait to finally land in London, but at the same time I'm afraid of what I might feel when I get there. The homesickness and the awkward first couple of days that I won't really know what to do. I feel like I have just barely begun this journey with God and just started building relationships with friends that genuinely care about how I am and where my walk with Him is. Leaving everything behind is going to be so hard but I can't wait for the time I will have on my own to really find God on a deeper level and explore His love to every depth and detail. I want to know God on such a level that I cannot wait to tell Him about my day and that I have no doubt in my mind that He is ALWAYS there. I know I will learn to lean on God for the love and comfort and to trust in Him no matter what while I am gone because I wont have my friends and family to lean on. I don't have any worry about not meeting new friends, but I am fully aware that I will and am struggling the first couple weeks (and right now) with trusting God to meet my emotional needs as they go crazy. When people ask me if it's exciting and if I'm ready the best answer I can give is that it's bittersweet. I am SO ready to strengthen my relationship with the Lord and to be on my own and find direction in my life as I have shifted from being a high school student into the roll of "adult". At the same time, I feel like a lost child at the zoo. So many things going on and so many responsibilities that I feel coming down on me that I HAVE to give to God. If I don't, there is no way I will be able to stand on my own and be a happy person. I am so thankful for all the support from my family and friends and everyone who has given me financial help as well as their prayers and thoughts. I cannot wait for this adventure to begin when my flight leave at 4pm on Saturday morning!